Hoodie

I wonder what people think when they see her.  Kyra, my fashion queen, wearing the big red hoodie.  And by big, I mean huge.  Made for someone who wears an xxl.  Made for a man over six foot tall.  The hoodie is fleece-lined and warm,  Kyra says "it's like a hug".  A hug that drapes her from the top of her head to below her knees.  Sleeves hang half-empty, one with a cigarette burn on the cuff. She's never smoked.  She's eight.

Kyra wears the hoodie every day there is a chill in the air.  Sometimes she wears it even if it's warm outside. She wraps it around her when she sleeps at night. She snuggles in it when she watches TV or reads a book. I asked her if I could borrow it one day and she refused.  "This is mine" she said "get your own jacket", not maliciously, but defensively - this hoodie has become her security.

So I really do wonder, as I send her off to school in the morning, hugged in the big red hoodie, what do people think?  Do they think I can't afford to buy her a jacket that fits?  Do they think I'm a careless smoker who accidentally burned her daughter's too large hoodie?  Do they think I picked it up at a thrift store thinking it would fit her?

And I wonder what people would say if they knew the truth.  If they knew that the big red hoodie belonged to my dad.  Kyra's grandpa.  Her best buddy.  Her partner in a mutual admiration society.

A few weeks before my dad died he told Kyra and Blaine "Don't you worry about me, I've had a good life. Don't you be sad about me.  You go and live and laugh and enjoy life."

And mostly Kyra does, but on days when it's hard or she's sad she wraps herself up in grandpa's hoodie and feels his hug and knows his love.

Smartypants

Hello Blogworld!  I did not forget, I have just been, well, lazy.  Slacking.  Or, as I like to try to justify it, I've been too busy with "REAL LIFE" to post anything.  Yeah, that sounds good.

So what's new?  I now have a Kindergartener.  Kyra is a bus-riding, backpack carrying, lunch-packing student.  And she loves it.  This kid loves school.  Loves to learn.  She is impatient when it comes to figuring new things out.  She wants to read so badly that she gets mad at me if I help her figure out words.  She wants to be able to do everything that her brother does, and she wants to do it better than he does.

The week before school started, Kyra asked me if they would teach her how to tell time because she wants to be able to do that.  I told her they would and then, while helping Blaine do some online math skills that he was assigned for the summer, I saw that the website he was logged into also had math skills for pre-K and Kindy.  I looked through the topics and saw that in the Kindy skill sets there were units on telling time.  I asked Kyra if she would like to try them.  She flew to the computer and said "YES!".  I explained the long arm and short arm of the clock and what they stood for and started the lesson.  She aced it.  Less than 5 minutes of explanation and she just had it.  No problem.

Kyra learned to tie her shoes the first time she was shown how.  She taught herself to double-knot her shoestrings because she didn't like them coming undone.  She learned times tables because Blaine was learning them and she just hung around and listened.  She taught herself simple addition one day when bored in the back of the car.  It was surprising, to say the least, to have her call out "Hey mom, did you know that 2 plus 2 equals 4? and 4 plus 4 equals 8?"  I complimented her teachers at preschool the next day on advancing math skills so quickly and their response was "Um, we thought you were doing flashcards with her at home...we didn't teach her that".

My brother was like this.  He could grasp new concepts and ideas quickly, with a minimum of explanation.  Now, I'm no dummy, but I have to study and work hard to learn new things.  I was a good student, when I put the effort in.  My brother was a horrible student because learning didn't require effort on his part and he got bored.  I don't want Kyra to get bored.  I ask her everyday when I pick her up how her day was.  She is loving it, but she also says things like "We reviewed the alphabet and the letter sounds but I already know them" and "We are doing numbers but I already know my numbers".  She wants something NEW.  Something she hasn't already learned.  She wants to be challenged.  But because she has the ability to grasp new concepts with one try she is always ready to move onto the next thing, impatient to learn and master as much as she can as quickly as she can.

It's going to be fun.  And exhausting.  And amazing. Pray for me. 

The Secret Life of Queen Bees

I am raising a Queen Bee and it flummoxes me. 

By my definition, a Queen Bee is a person who doesn't have a conversation with you, she makes pronouncements.  She dislikes when you dare disagree with her, but she won't argue with you, instead she will shun you.  She leads, not by example, but by fear.  Fear of losing her favor, fear of losing her connections.  Fear of not having someone to chat with while your kids do whatever extracurricular activity (or in a Queen Bee's case it would be more like activities) you have the precious offspring enrolled in.

There is a Queen Bee that I see a few times a week at one of my progeny's activities. She comes in wearing her mom jeans, hair and makeup looking like she just rolled out of 1989.  She is the worst kind of Queen Bee because she doesn't look like what you would normally assume someone who wields such mom-power would.  She looks like a dumpy, middle-aged house frau.  But then you hear her buzz.  It's louder and more assertive than the buzzing from the moms who flock to her.  She has firm opinions on everything from where to get the best fruit (no grocery stores for her!  You must - MUST - drive to this little farm about 30 miles outside of town.  Oh, and tell them that you heard about it from her!) to how to get stains out of Jr. Bee's uniform (NO CLOROX!  OMG!).  I sit, a few chairs down from where she holds court, and I listen.  I have no desire to join the gaggle of moms who swarm around her.  I prefer to snicker quietly to myself when she makes one of her declarations while reading my book or, shockingly, actually watching my child participate in class!

I have strong opinions on certain things - but I also strongly believe that there are many different ways to buy fruit, get stains out, parent your children, make a ham sandwich, etc.  You like Miracle Whip?  I think that shit is vile, but I don't have to eat your sandwich.  You formula fed?  I breast fed and I believe that it was the right choice for my kids, but your kid doesn't look like he is going to be picking up a banjo and starring in a remake of Deliverance because he sucked down Similac.  You like Clorox?  Fine.  It might yellow your whites, but I don't have to wear them!  You want my opinion, I will share it with you if you ask, but I won't demand that you agree that I am right. I won't dislike you if you do it differently.

And then there is Kyra.  At 5, she is already buzzing like a Queen Bee.  She doesn't walk into preschool.   She makes an entrance.  She doesn't join in the games that the other kids are playing when we arrive, she announces that they will play a new game and she will decide what that game is.  She will tell the assembled group, who swarm around her, that "you will be the daddy, you will be the baby and I'm the mommy, so I'm in charge".  She even tries to Queen Bee me.  She sighs and rolls her eyes when I don't comply with her demands. "Pick that up mommy" she demanded tonight after she deliberately dropped her jacket on the floor, then she sulks and shuns me when I laugh at her ridiculousness.  I like that she is fierce and independent but she needs to learn to be kinder.  To ask, not demand.  To accept that not everything can be her way.  That it's not fair that she believes everything must be shared with her, but that she has to share nothing.

Sometimes I wonder where this child came from.  How a worker bee like me (though with some admitted diva qualities that I try to keep under control) gave birth to such Queen Bee.  At this point, I just try to keep her buzzing to a minimum and to keep her from stinging anyone.  But if she is like this at five, I can't imagine what she will be like at 15.  I hope the hive is ready because it is going to be a wild ride.

Mother of the Year awards accepted here

Parenting fails.  I has them.

In honor of Mother's Day (yes, I know it was a week ago.  Remember, this blog is Random Tales not timely tales) I thought I would list a few of my more spectacular parenting fails - you know, to keep myself humble.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't fail as a parent in the horrible ways.  I don't beat my children, or duct tape them to their beds.  I make sure they are fed, albeit it's not always a balanced organic meal, but I do my best.  They are always dressed in clean clothes - or at least in Blaine's case, they are clean when he gets on the bus in the morning.  They are always dressed appropriately for the weather - though in Kyra's case her spectacular dress sense is an eye opening experience.  My fails are more of a head-slapping "duh" with the thumb and forefinger in the L shape on the forehead.  So, without further ado, here are two of my recent favorite idiot mom stories!  Enjoy!

I recently purchased a new car.  I love my new car, it's sporty and clean and new new new (it only had 11 miles on it when I bought it.  NEW!)  One of the perks of the new car is that it came with satellite radio.  Now, I've never had satellite radio before and I am loving it.  I especially love the station 1st Wave, which is 80s alternative music.  I think I must have known, at least subconsciously, that it is uncensored radio as they have a Howard Stern station or two.  But for some reason I just didn't think about it.  Until I was driving to preschool with Kyra the other morning and she and I were rocking out - I'm talking sound cranked, singing along, Kyra dancing in her car seat rocking out - to the Violent Femmes.  To be specific, we were jamming to "Add it Up" by the Femmes.  It's a sweet little ditty that starts out with "Why can't I get just one kiss" and works it way up to "Why can't I get just one fuck".  It was at that moment, in that nanosecond before "FUCK" came blaring out of my speakers that I realized that this may not be censored so I started frantically trying to find the button to turn off the radio.  Of course, too little to late.  New car means new button positions and that plus total panic equals my daughter squealing in horror in the back seat "THAT MAN SAID A BAD WORD MOMMY!"  Whoops.  Parenting fail.

On Mother's Day this year the kids and I went to church together, a happy little family.  Our church is a fabulous community and we have time during service where we can share life's milestones - joys, concerns and sorrows.  If anyone has something to share, you go forward, light a candle from a communal flame, and share with the congregation.  Our town was recently hit by a devastating tornado and many in our congregation were affected.  During the Mother's Day service many of our congregation were getting up to share information about volunteering, to give thanks for help received, and to ask for more help.  As we are sitting there listening, Blaine, who was sitting behind me, stands up to go get in line to light a candle.  I turn to him and through gritted teeth tell him to "SIT DOWN".  You see, I assumed that he was going to go up and tell everyone about his mom's new car and I just didn't think it was the time or place.  Some people had just lost their homes and they didn't need an 8 year old sharing the joy of mom's new car with the speakers that light up.  Blaine looked at me and said "Mom, I really have something I need to share".  I glared at him over my shoulder and again told him to sit down.  He again told me he needed to go up and share - he just had to!  We went back and forth like this until I realized that we were making a little mini-scene in church.  At that point I just grimaced and  gritted out "FINE.  JUST FINE. GO."  Then I crossed my arms and prepared myself to be embarrassed by my son.

Blaine's turn comes and I am just hoping that he is done quickly so that I don't have much to apologize for at the end of service.  He approaches the flame, lights his candle and says "My name is Blaine and I have a joy to share with everyone".  Great.  Here it comes.  I'm cringing inside.  Then "Today is one of my favorite days of the year, because it's Mother's Day and I have the best, most caring and loving and wonderful mother in the world and I'm glad I have this day to celebrate that".  Everyone applauds him and I am so overwhelmed with emotion that I am crying.  Crying not just because I love my son but because I realize that I need to have the faith in him that he has in me.  Parenting fail times one million.

I'm sure there will be more parenting fails in my future.  But my kids love me in spite of my failings.  Lucky me.

Like Running My Fingers Through God's Beard

I have found that one of the best things about having kids is the way they make you stop and think with the things they say.  I have also found that one of the worst things about having kids is the way they embarrass you with the things they say.

Kids tend not to filter their thoughts...or maybe it's just my kids that don't filter their thoughts.  Blaine, by virtue of being older and more verbose is particularly touching with his comments as well as particularly mortifying. If he thinks of something, he is going to say it.  If I try to explain something in detail, he is going to continue dissecting it and discussing it.  Kyra is following in her brother's footsteps and is randomly inspiring/horrifying me at turns as well.

You want to know how much money I make?  Blaine could probably tell you.

You want to know what we had for breakfast?  Kyra could probably tell you.

You want to know the color of my underwear?   Kyra.

You want to know details of my personal life - even if you are a complete stranger?  Blaine.

But I'm trying to focus on the positive, and since I'm complete crap at scrapbooking (I've tried.  I still have all the stuff.  Blaine's birth still hasn't been duly matted, embellished, and preserved for all eternity.  Don't even get me started on Kyra's photos...most of which are still on memory cards, external hard drives and the like.  Prints? HA!) and I am also complete crap at updating baby books past the first few weeks of their precious lives,  I am going to take this space to note some of the better things that have come out of Blaine and Kyra's  brains recently.

In no particular order:

1. Driving home from my parent's house one evening, we had the windows down and the sunroof open.  When we got home Blaine told me that when he was sure no other car was coming, he would stick his arm straight out the window.  He told me that the wind pushing on his arm made him feel like he was running his fingers through God's beard. Kyra then responded "You don't know that.  You don't know God.  God might not have a beard.  God might be a girl!"


2. Kyra stayed at my parent's house last week.  While "helping" her Grandma clean out the front garden so they can plow and get ready for Spring planting, she saw the bamboo poles that my parents use for the beans.  Kyra looked at my mom and demanded to know "Hey!  Why do you have panda food in your garden?"  When my mom explained it to her, Kyra scoffed "they aren't real bamboo.  You don't have pandas".

3.  Another Kyra one - she has learned to spell her last name.  It's a long name and Blaine didn't really master it until about 1st grade.  Kyra is bored by just spelling her last name.  So the other day she spelled it backwards for me.  She has her Kindergarten pre-screen tomorrow.  I can't wait to see her do her times tables (Blaine taught her the zero and one times tables) or to see their faces when they ask her if she can spell her name and she does it backwards for kicks.  She's deliciously evil like that.

4. At church one Sunday a member of the congregation was talking to all of the kids - ranging in age from 3 to 13 - during the service about race.   She asked them what race meant to them.  One girl, about 12 years old piped up and answered that she thought of race as black or white.  A younger girl thought race was about actual racing and winning.  Blaine raised his hand and said "To me race is the human race.  All the people everywhere are a part of the human race".  It stunned me and the congregation and everyone burst into spontaneous applause. I'll never forget that moment.  I remember thinking that Blaine is the person I want to be like when I grow up.  I wish I could be that simple and that complex and that genuine all at the same time.

It all balances out. Kyra might tell you that I have on pink underwear, but then she'll amaze you with her skeptical intellect.  Blaine might tell you that his mom makes 80 billion dollars** a year but then he will stun you with his compassionate insights.  I am willing to put up with the embarrassing because part of the excitement of having kids are those moments when they say something that makes you laugh, reflect, or think.  It's so worth it.



**Actual dollar figure inflated for dramatic purposes.  Also, don't I wish.

Happy Birthday to Kyra

Tonight at 8:37pm EST, my little girl turned 5.

Holy cow, my baby is 5.

5 years of awesomness.  5 years of the sweetest, most beautiful, most exasperating, most challenging child.  Totally different from her older brother.  She has made me learn completely different parenting skills because what worked with Blaine does not work with her.  I've tried dissecting their differences before, but suffice it to say, they are night and day, chalk and cheese, black and white. Yet he is still her best friend, her lovey, her defender.  She is also his biggest defender.  She will jump up in front of me if she thinks I'm being mean to Blaine (i.e., telling him he has to do his homework before playing on the Wii) and will put her hands on her hips, jut out her obstinate chin and look me dead in the eye and say "You don't talk to my brother like that!  NOT NICE!"

I'm not afraid to admit that she is smarter than I am.  She outsmarts me on a regular basis and it keeps me on my toes.  We've been having issues with veggie eating.  She doesn't want to and  I try to convince her that vegetables are not going to poison her.   Recently, while driving to pick her brother up from school we had the following debate, in which I had my ass handed to me:

Me: Kyra, you know you have to eat vegetables.  Barbie eats vegetables and look how smart and pretty and healthy she is.
Kyra: Barbie doesn't eat vegetables
Me: Yes she does!  Barbie loves vegetables!
Kyra:  Mom...Barbie isn't real.  She is pretend and so is her food!
Me:  Uh, ok.  Well, the people who invented Barbie and make Barbies - they got so smart because they eat their vegetables.
Kyra: You don't know that
Me: Of course I do!  Vegetables make you smart and the Barbie inventors are smart!
Kyra: No, you don't know that they eat their vegetables because you don't know them!  You don't know what they eat!

At this point I realized I was losing an argument to a 4 year old.  So I decided to just end the conversation.  And again, I was outsmarted:

Me: You know what, let's not argue about it anymore.  You just ride along in the backseat and I will ride along in the front and we will go get your brother and everyone will be happy!
Kyra: I'm not in the backseat
Me: Yes you are.  I'm in the front, you are in the back
Kyra: No, you are in the front.  My bike is in the back.  I am in the MIDDLE seat.

Again she was right.  And she knows it.  And she gloats.  And I wouldn't have her any other way because she is awesomeness.

Speaking of awesomeness, here is a small sampling of her fashion sense.  Her clothing choices are hysterical, but they work because she is fearless when it comes to fashion.  I love her more than I could ever describe.  There are no words to sufficiently tell the story of how blessed and lucky I feel every single day of my life.  She was an unexpected pregnancy after I thought I could not have more children and she remains my daily unexpected joy in ways big and small.  Happy birthday Kyra.

18ish months.  She started dressing herself at a young age.

See? Awesomeness.

You know you wish you could pull off this look as well as she does

Cheese face

With her hero and big brother, Blaine

Hot Fresh Now

My patio table, under about an inch of ice

If you have watched the news in the last few days you might have heard something about a snow/ice storm that hit and paralyzed the South.  Yes, make all the jokes you want but Southerners do NOT know how to drive on snow and it is for our own safety that a state of emergency is declared (no shit, they really did!) and school is canceled and the library where I work is shut down and YAY SNOW DAY.

Except there really was no snow for us.  Just ice.  Lots and lots of ice.  Yucky ice.

Blaine, "tasting" the snow/ice

 So, the dreams of building a snowman and having a snowball fight in the 4 to 6 inches we were supposed to get went out the window.  Monday morning, with no school and no work and no snow to play in, the kids and I were pretty much trapped at home.  And then Blaine said "hey, you know what would be great on a cold, cold day like today?  A Krispy Kreme Hot Fresh Now Donut!  Can we go get some?"  After explaining to Blaine that driving on the inch or so of ice would undoubtedly land us in the ER, I fired up the computer and a few Google hits later, had a Krispy Kreme taste-alike recipe.  Instead of going out and braving the roads for a Hot Fresh Now, we just made them ourselves.  And they were pretty damn awesome.

Sous Chefs

Blaine is an awesome donut roller

Cutting them out

The first few were huge, so we downsized our cutter

Lots of glazing and tasting going on here

Woks - not just for stir fry!

Sugar Rush

He declared them delicious

Parkity Park Park Park

Subtitle: God I love the Hipstamatic for iPhone app.

Today was a beautiful, clear and a wee bit cold day.  The kids and I decided to get out of the house (well, since I'm the one with the car keys and the ability to reach the gas pedal, I guess I decided and they agreed).  We ran a few errands and then stopped at the park to run around and play for a bit.  Our Christmas break is coming to an end.  I go back to work and Kyra returns to school tomorrow.  Blaine is out of school until Thursday and will spend tomorrow with my parents on the farm.

Since it was our last day just hanging out, I took a ton of photos at the park to mark the end of our great staycation.

My favorite random photos from today are below.  If you have an iPhone and don't have Hipstamatic, my only question to you is WHY??  It's awesome.  Some lens/filter combinations are better than others, but overall?  I love it.

And my kids wonder why I call them monkeys

Best friends

Goofballs

OMG, a natural smile for a change!

Don't hate the hairbow.  Hairbows are AWESOMENESS!

Kyra caged

Random Tales and Nonsense

It starts with a picture.

This picture:

AHHHHH SQUIDS ARE GOING TO GET ME!

This is Kyra.  Why is she wearing her brother's sparring gear and screaming?  Well, because we were going through a carwash.  And the squids were out to get her.  Naturally.