Sunday, April 3, 2011

The War over War

I'm stupid.

Well, at least according to Blaine's 9 year old friend...a boy I shall call Turdface.

Why am I stupid?  Because I won't let Blaine play Call of Duty.

We have entered the phase of life where Blaine is trying to push boundaries (see my previous post regarding Facebook and online chatting) and I knew this would be coming.  I hear the kids talking about the "cool" games they play.

But for fuck's sake.  Call of Duty?  When you are 9?

I have always told Blaine that you shouldn't judge people.  That other people may make decisions that we don't agree with, but that the decision and the consequences of the decision is theirs to bear.  Regardless of what we thought of their decision, it didn't make it right or wrong, it just made it theirs.  Or, to put it as my beloved grandmother used to say "it's their little red wagon, they can push it or pull it, we don't have to ride in it".

But, I came clean with Blaine the other day and told him that I am a big, fat hypocrite.  Because I fully judge those parents.  Judgey judgey judge judge judge.  I have heard the excuses.  "Oh, his older brother plays so he's seeing it anyway" or "his dad is a big kid and loves that game and they play together!"

If your husband surfed porn on the net would you be ok with your 8 or 9 year old son sitting next to him saying "check out the hooters on that one!"  No?  Then why is ok to let that child shoot, garrote, and otherwise maim or kill people on a video screen?  Why is violence ok but nudity is not?  How do you draw that line?

I explained to Blaine, when he informed me that Turdface said I was stupid, that the day I take parenting tips from an 8 year old is the day I hang up my parenting cape for good.  That earned me a withering stare and the snarky comment of "Turdface isn't 8, he is niiiiiiiiine".  Like that makes ALL the difference in the world.  Yeah.  No.

I explained my views on war to Blaine and how killing, in my mind, should never, ever be a game or something you do for fun.  I explained how I feel that playing games like that can desensitize you to the reality of war and death.  How taking someone's life, whether in war or in self-defense is something that will stay on your soul forever and is a heavy burden to bear.  He didn't really get it.  Or care.  I was just the "mean mom"  or, in his 9 year old friend's opinion the "stupid mom".

A few days after our debate about which was more stupid - playing war games or not allowing your son to play war games - a funny thing happened.  Blaine, Kyra and I were getting ready for our regular Sunday night TV time - we love watching The Amazing Race together.  I ran upstairs to grab a load of laundry and Blaine went to turn on the TV and find the right station.  When I came down, Blaine was sitting on the couch, totally sucked into a TV program.  It seems that the CBS schedule was running behind, probably due to some sports thing (basketball?  I don't know as I am both stupid and non-sporty) and he was watching 60 minutes.  The story he was watching was about The Global Medical Relief Fund and their work with a little boy in Iraq who was severely injured by an IED.  He lost a leg, an eye and an arm and was severely scarred.  The story was heartbreaking and uplifting and infuriating and, at the end, joyous.  By the time it was over I was crying (yes, I am a bleeding heart liberal) and Blaine wanted to know why.

I did my best to explain that what he just saw is a consequence of war. That it is not only the bad guys who get hurt.  Sometimes little boys, girls, moms, dads - innocents - all get hurt because of war.  I told him that I was crying with that little boy's mother who was overcome with emotion after her boy was pieced back together.  Because I'm a mother.  And I have a little boy.  And I would feel the same way if it happened to him.  And I told him that this is why I don't want him to play war games for fun.  War is not fun.  Killing should never be a game.  Blaine thought about it for minute and then said, very gravely, "I think I have just learned a very valuable lesson".

I guess the first battle in the war over war goes to me.  But I have a feeling that there are more to come.